My friend...we'll call him Adolf...had a family member's birthday party to go to the other day, and when he returned, the convo basically went like this:
Me: Oh, hey! [ok, the exclamation point already means I'm lying. I never sound this enthusiastic when I talk] How was the birthday party?
Adolf: Soooo good.
Me: Um, why do you put it that way?
Adolf: I saw the HOTTEST guy while there. I mean, legit, he was an H-O-T-T-I-E! I was misty, and I don't mean in my eyes. Seriously, I could have ju-
Me: Wait a minute, wait a minute...this guy...he was at the birthday party?
Adolf: Yeah.
Me: A family birthday party?
Adolf: Yeah.
Me: THAT MEANS YOU WERE RELATED, YOU TWISTED FUCK!
Adolf: Ok, before you judge, I traced the family lines: he was the son of a woman (50%) of a daughter of a woman (50%) who was brothers with my dads father (50%) and Im my dads son (50%).
Me: So?
Adolf: so...50 of 50 is 25. 50 of that is 12.5, and 50 of that is 6.25. So if the opportunity presented itself id totally hook up with him. It's completely legit.
Me: I thought when I left the South, I'd never have to deal with people like you.
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